Busy Days

Life has been so busy lately! The boys are getting so big and learning so quickly. We are learning with them, but not always at the same rate. We are learning how to disipline and function when their and our, sinful natures rear their ugly heads! It's exhausting and consuming, yet amazing and rewarding! I am so thankful, to get to watch how they learn and grow, their is no other way I would rather spend my days.
We have also been blessed to get to know my nephew Finley better. While his mommy and daddy are at work, he comes to play with us. Aaron and Eli, adore him! They are very affectionate with him, he loves to laugh and watch them run circles around him. Soon he'll be keeping up running around with them!. Having Fin has been an adjustment, but it's been good for all of us! It's a huge blessing for the boys to have another cousin to grow along side of. And the Lord is teaching me a lot through caring for these little munchkins!
The verse I've been meditating on latley is, 2 corinthians 12:9 "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
I figure this is a good place for me to be, needing the power of Christ resting on me. In our moments of insanity, the Lord is with us.

weakness

Lately I've been going crazy. Feeling completely inadaquit (more like unwilling) to the tasks the Lord has put before me, selfishly feeling sorry for myself about everything. Crying out to God, not understanding why He wont help me out of this slump, I feel so far away from Him. I read my Bible and walk away not knowing what I just read, totally overwhelmed with all the things I need to get done and expect myself to do. Going through the motions of what a Christian should do, Then I am consumed with worry over what others see in me, more so than what God sees me as! (not good). I see others around me full of the Spirit, flowing with this Joy that doesn't make sense.. And I want that, deep realtionship with My Lord, I want it. but I can't in my own power get it. I cant fill myself with this joy.
I'm starting to understand, through my emotional pit falls I see how short I fall of perfection! Jesus is Truth and I am a hypocrite, a liar, and at my best a pityfull Pharisee, Yuck! I'm willing to accept God's Grace for my own sin, but not willing to extend that grace to those around me. Who am I to judge, I cant even function. and in realizing this truth, that I am weak. I hear the Lord "in my weakness He is made strong." I dont need anything apart from my Lord, and a lot more of Him. I am so blessed. God has given me so much more than just what I need. and He's here with me just waiting for me to stop playing religion and start having a realtionship with Him, with Jesus. This is hard for me, I dont know how. I've been trying to win others over by being super spiritual in my own power, and totally overlooking the freedom I have in Him. Jesus not only saved me from Hell, which is what I deserve, but His mercies are new everyday! Salvation from my everyday situations from the rules and standards I have put on myself to be a good person. To in my own power win people over for the Lord, I can't do it! I need His forgiveness, I need His grace, and His truth. I need to stop and let Him work in me, again and again! He forgives me, for nothing I did, but His grace is that great.
Pray for me to continue to surrender.